I got an e-mail from someone a day or so ago rambling on about things you should be aware of in order to protect yourself in this modern world. It mentioned that one ingredient used to make dynamite is peanuts. I already knew that. It’s probably no secret that I have a lot of useless knowledge in my head. Lately, I seem to remember stupid things, but can’t remember to do things I should be doing. Before I get into my discussion of just how much stupidity there seems to be in the universe, let me give you some examples of some of my stupid stuff and stupid thoughts that I remember that serves absolutely no practical purpose.
Just like a sick dog supposedly has a warm nose, a sick pig rarely curls his tail. There are more Rolls Royce’s per capita in Hong Kong than any other place in the world. Percentage wise, more people walk to work in Alaska than any other state. The average life span of a baseball used in professional baseball is 7 pitches. Tom Sawyer was the first novel written on a typewriter. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo – a mystery that’s never been solved – to this day, no one knows why. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy. The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.
I also wonder and think about things that aren’t especially important – but they make me think just the same… the Russians sent a dog up in space before their first astronaut. That seems like an odd choice to me, because you’d think he’d want to stick his head out the window and his face might burn up… Once when we were driving, we saw a sign that said, “bridge freezes before road.” Claire said it should say, “water on the bridge freezes before the water on the road.” I told her she should write to the highway department and suggest they change it, but she said it was a joke – just to get out of writing a letter…. when I was a kid, I learned how to make invisible ink with a chemistry set I had – I only made it once though, I could never tell if I ran out…
But anyhow, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only one that has stupid thoughts and does stupid things. How many times have you misplaced something and while you’re looking for it, someone has asked, “where did you lose it?” The obvious response is that if I knew, I wouldn’t be looking, but I’m always tempted to say, “on the couch.” A few weeks ago we went to the doctor – walked up to the elevator and pushed the button. The light came on and while we were waiting someone else came up and pushed the lit button. Did I mention the button was already lit?
But sometimes a situation or question just begs for a stupid answer – for instance, when I was a kid and I was asked, “Did you take a bath?” I always wanted to say, “Why, is there one missing?” Or in school if the teacher asked, “Are you chewing gum?” the proper response, in my mind, was, “No, I’m Jimmy.” (I actually did that – but only once. Mrs. Harris had a fairly narrow sense of humor.) Every time I hear, “I have changed my mind” I want to say, “Thank goodness! Does the new one work better?” Since both Claire and myself drink our coffee black, in restaurants, after Claire indicates no cream or sugar, just black and the waiter says, “Would you like your coffee black, too?” I always want to say, “What other colors do you have?”
As you’ve probably figured out by now, I really didn’t have anything to blog about – it’s just been a long time and I figured I should write something. And, sometimes it’s good to just get some of the junk rattling around inside out – to make room for more important stuff. I guess if there is some point to be made here, it’s just that everyone does, says and thinks stupid things sometimes. I’m not sure why, because it’s so simple to be wise – just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
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