What Would Jimmy Do?

Every year on this date, I’m faced with the difficult task of writing this blog. It’s not that there isn’t a lot to say, the problem lies with trying to convey the same thought without sounding like a broken record. 

I could say that we’re celebrating Claire’s 29th birthday for the 46th time, but I’ve done that before. I could write happy birthday in the languages of all or most of the countries we’ve visited, but I’ve done that before… it always comes out that in any language, she’s still the love of my life. I could tell you that she’s my best friend… done that. I could tell you that I’d have to pass if a genie offer to grant me a wish — with Claire, I’ve already received my greatest wish…. done that. I could describe her many attributes and good qualities… done that, too.

So I think you can see my problem — after all these years, I still haven’t been able to make my birthday wishes to her capture how I really feel about her. 

Today is a special day for her and I hope it truly is “special.” But again, what do I say to her to express how much I love her and how much she means to me. 
I’m not sure “I love you.” can ever be over-used and I say — and mean — it often. I’ve mentioned before that the Chinese have a phrase, Zhi Zi Zhi Shou, Yu Zi Xie Lao, that means “to hold hands and grow old together.” I like that a lot, but it still doesn’t win out over “I love you.” I’ve also often thought about  when Winnie the Pooh told Piglet that “You don’t spell love… you feel it.” Maybe that’s the problem — I haven’t mastered putting that feeling into words.

So once again, I’ve come up short…..
Menoi, I hope your birthday’s as amazing as you are and as happy as you make me.
You deserve more — but, Happy Birthday — I love you!!
— 30 —

It seems like these days the world is full of things to be afraid of. If you ask most people what they’re afraid of, you get responses like: global warming, needles, public speaking, nuclear war, tornadoes, or maybe losing a loved one or a friend.

But if you go to the movies, or “stream” the movies/TV shows, horror movies or TV programs aren’t usually about those fears — they’re usually about dolls or sharks, or maybe clowns.

A phobia is an intense fear of a certain object or scenario that impacts behavior and sometimes daily life. Phobias are often deep-rooted psychological responses tied to some traumatic event in the person’s past. 

I read a magazine article a few days ago that discussed a survey conducted by Chapman University. According to the survey, 7.8 percent of Americans suffer from coulrophobia — a fear of clowns. And — it can be a debilitating fear. I might note that coulrophobia isn’t an officially recognized phobia. I guess if you think about it, the fear of clowns must be real and fairly widespread…. it’s even inspired it’s own “word” to describe it.

Our son, Dave, while not afraid of clowns, isn’t particularly fond of them either. I remember the first time we took him to the circus, he was anxiously looking around and asking where the clowns were… even before we got inside. 

In theory, clowns are figures of fun, intended to produce amusement and laughter with their hijinks — not screams of horror. When you think of clowns, you envision big smiley faces, party tricks, slapstick, bright colors, funny costumes, etc. None of these things are typically associated with intense fear. While doing my usual extensive research on clowns, I ran across a term I hadn’t heard before — “uncanny valley.” First of all we have to remember that clowns are people. People in elaborate/funny costumes, but people nonetheless. So, they have human bodies and faces, like everyone else. But that is where the problem(s) come in.

The “uncanny valley” effect is a phenomenon where things that look human but “aren’t quite there” are incredibly unsettling. It appears to be a fundamental reflex. If you put a pair of google eyes on a sock, you’ve got yourself a lovable puppet that nobody has any issue with — but a highly realistic android with an almost-but not-quite-identical face to that of a real human is often very frightening. Ventriloquist dummies also have a similar “scary” reputation like clowns, likely for this very reason.

One theory is that they make us think of death and corpses (a dead face looks like a normal one but “behaves” differently.) Anyhow, for whatever reason, human faces that deviate from the norm are upsetting.

And it’s not just the face — humans are very sensitive to body shape, and movement. We (subconsciously) glean an incredible amount of information just from the way someone walks. We are sensitive to all aspects of a person’s walk such as posture, stance and gait. Clowns throw all this out of whack with their exaggerated tumbling and walking. All these things make clowns upsetting, just by their existence, for many people.

The unpredictability of clowns may be another reason for “clown phobia.” If you go to a circus, most things are predictable… jugglers juggle, acrobats perform impressive stunts, wild animal tamers tame wild animals, and clowns clown around. But clowns don’t always clown around as expected — they do things that defy normal behavior. That unpredictability is something that causes a knee-jerk distrust and apprehension in many humans. 

Stephen King once said that nobody likes a clown at midnight — for a lot of people, that probably applies to any time of day.
— 30 —

Today’s topic is going to be short — Napoleon short. A couple of the people I play golf with are short — not extremely short, just shorter than the others that I play golf with. But nonetheless, they have to put with the “short jokes.” And a number of times in the past, we’ve had discussions about the “Napoleon Complex.” So I thought today might be a good day to talk about Napoleon Bonaparte. 

Napoleon was one of the most successful and brutal military leaders of all time — he was known to have a short fuse and was often shortsighted, but he wasn’t, as popularity believed, especially short in stature. His supposedly small stature and fiery temper inspired the term Napoleon Complex, a belief that short men tend to compensate for their lack of height through domineering behavior and aggression. The Napoleon Complex, sometimes called Short Man Syndrome has come to describe all men who have an inferiority complex. 

But was Napoleon really short?
The only known measurement of Bonaparte came from his autopsy, that reported a height of 5 feet, 2 inches. But hat measurement was calculated in French units. The French inch (pouce) of the time was 2.7 cm, while the imperial inch was shorter, at 2.54 cm. So by the English Imperial system, his height was actually 5 feet, 6 inches. I know, you are saying that that’s still pretty short, and that’s true by modern day standards — at least in some places in the world, like the United States. But in Napoleon’s time in France, the average height for an adult male was about 5 feet 5 inches (in modern international units.) Another possible reason for the misconception is the fact that Napoleon kept himself surrounded by a group of relatively tall guardsmen. He was never seen in public without his “imperial guard.” These soldiers averaged six feet in height and would have towered over Napoleon. 

Well, that got me to wondering…. if Napoleon was about average height, where did the “legend” of his small stature come from?  The image came mostly from the work of one man — British cartoonist James Gillray. Gillray’s caricatural depictions of the French general were extremely popular and influential. Gillray’s cartoon “Maniac-raving’s-or-Little Boney in a strong fit” was a satire of a genuine diplomatic incident which had occurred on March 14, 1803 at the Tuileries palace in Paris. In front of hundreds of European dignitaries, Napoleon vented his rage at Lord Whitworth, the British ambassador. This brutal and ungentlemanly attack terminated by Napoleon retiring to his apartments, leaving nearly two hundred spectators of his wanton display of arrogant impropriety in amazement and consternation. Gillray’s cartoon depicts a tiny Napoleon wearing boots that dwarf him, tearing his hair out in rage. He is surrounded by overturned furniture that is as big as he is, with speech bubbles depicting him filled with manic raging thoughts about Britain. The name “Little Boney” stuck and Gillray from that point on continually depicted the French Emperor as diminutive, raging and boastful — like a child throwing a temper tantrum. 

After Gillray’s cartoons appeared, Napoleon sent a flurry of diplomatic notes across the English Channel demanding that the British government censor its press.
So in the end, Napoleon is primarily remembered for two things — being a master tactician and being short.
— 30 —

Today is Memorial Day — a day whose true meaning often gets lost in the activities of a “three day weekend” that traditionally kicks off the beginning of the summer season.

I’m often puzzled by how many people know so little about the true meaning of Memorial Day, and how many don’t understand the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.

I often hear people say “Happy Memorial Day” and even though they mean well, the day really isn’t something to celebrate — it’s a time to honor those fallen in military service to our country. For some, over the years, it’s come be a day to honor not just the war dead, but to remember all deceased members of one’s family, often with a visit to their grave-sites.

Memorial Day does not honor veterans who came home — we do that in November. The purpose of Memorial Day is to honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice and gave their lives in the defense of our country. It’s amazing that as important as this day is it wasn’t until 1971 that Congress made Memorial Day a national holiday…. three years after it passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, creating three-day weekends.

In 1996, President Clinton signed into law a National Moment of Remembrance — a full minute of silence at 3 p.m. on the last Monday of every May, to “remember and reflect on the sacrifices made by so many to provide freedom for all.”

So whatever you’re planing to do this Memorial Day —pause for that one moment at 3 p.m. You’ll feel better for it…..
— 30 —

Seems like a lot of recent topics have involved idioms lately. Today’s subject falls into that category, too. As we’ve discussed in the past, an idiom is a metaphorical figure of speech, and it is understood that it is not a use of literal language. 

Anyhow, during one of our 19th hold discussions recently, it was mentioned that one of the group had started his career as a “bean counter.” Everyone knew that he had been an accountant early in his career. The term bean counter has come to (usually) refer to an accountant or someone who focuses on figures, statistics and spreadsheets, rather than the bigger picture. Not only does it simply refer to an accountant, it is usually an insulting term suggesting that the person is obsessed with trivial details. 

So how did these people/professions get this reputation and why beans? During my extensive research, I found an interesting story about how the derogatory nickname may have come about. In the 1920s, the marketing and sales-analysis firm The Nielsen Company (now better known for its television ratings system) was just a fledgling operation. The story goes that founder A.C. Nielsen was so diligent in his analysis that his employees counted the beans one by one at grocery stores they were auditing. Makes for an interesting story, but given that the preferred unit of a crop economy is the bushel, not individual grains, seeds, ears, etc. it’s probably not true. 

One plausible explanation for the term is that it’s a translation of a German idiom. The German word Erbsenzähler was used as early as the 1660s, and translates as “pea counter.” Erbsenzähler is a term for a nitpicker.

The generally accepted explanation is that beans are a cheap commodity, so to count them is a rather silly thing to do. A “bean counter” is one who nitpicks over small things in order to save costs. The term has also come to describe any soulless individual who cares more about the bottom line than quality.  

So it appears that “bean counter” is just another instance where beans have suffered from negative connotations. The phrase “he doesn’t know beans” suggests that someone is clueless, and “it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans,” means that something is meaningless or worthless. 

I feel bad for beans — they seem to have gotten a bad rap…. maybe that’s the reason they decided to become the fruit that makes you toot.
— 30 —

Seventeen years ago, it was pretty noisy around northern Virginia and it wasn’t all because of the wedding activities. On this date in 2004, people visiting from out of the area were asking, “what’s that noise?” The answer was, of course, cicadas. Just like 17 years ago, over the next month or so, billions of cicadas will emerge in a number of states, from New York west to Illinois and south into northern Georgia, including spots in Indiana, Ohio, Tennessee, Maryland, Pennsylvania and New Jersey. This group of cicadas, known as Brood X (as in the Roman number 10) is among the geographically largest of all 17-year periodical cicadas. 

Once above ground, the cicadas announce their arrival — the main aggravation they inflict on us is their loud, buzzing mating call. The sound is equal to the intensity of a lawn mower or motorcycle.

But around here we acknowledge this date for another reason — for the last 16 years, we’ve dubbed May 22 as “Anniversary Day.”
Anniversaries are an important part of life — they mark important events. It’s like we put a pin on the calendar to remind us of something that’s important and matters to us. It’s a chance to reflect on a relationship — and to celebrate the event. It gives us a chance to look back over the years since our wedding day and reflect on how it has shaped us. 

As wedding anniversaries accumulate over the years, they can elicit mixed emotions. Some years we feel pressured to do something amazing to mark the date, but some years it’s just a good time for regrouping the relationship — maybe just as simple as going out to dinner and remembering the day you got married, or met, or got engaged to remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place.

So this will be a noisy anniversary for Kelly and Chris — I’m not sure about the cicada population around Cleveland, but no matter….. if my math is correct, the “Anniversary Day”  this year celebrates 39 years of marriage. Happy Anniversary to Kelly and Chris for the 17th time and to Mike and Sue for the 22nd time. Just think, next time we celebrate a ‘cicada’ anniversary, in 2038, Kelly and Chris will only be 16 years away from number 50 — and for Mike and Sue that big one will only be 11 years away. 
With, or without, cicadas — Anniversary Day is great…..
— 30 —

As you’re probably aware, the news has been full of news about killings lately… murders in many metropolitan areas are up by a fairly high percentage so far this year. Internationally, several prominent people have been murdered/assassinated.  

I’ve often wondered just exactly what the difference in murder and assassination really was. Most dictionary definitions suggest that “assassination” is usually associated with a well-known victim. Several sources indicate that assassination is almost exclusively reserved for murders in which someone is being killed primarily due to their title or role in an organization or movement. I think this is probably often, but certainly not always, true.

I guess you could probably say that every assassination is a murder, but not every murder would be considered an assassination. 
The legal definition of murder in the United States includes killing with (1) “malice aforethought, characterized by deliberation or premeditation or occurring during the commission of another serious crime, such as robbery or arson (first-degree murder)” and (2) “murder by intent, but without deliberation or premeditation (second-degree murder.)” If I read this correctly, all assassinations are first-degree murders. It’s interesting, that while I could find a “legal” definition of murder, I couldn’t find any “legal” definition of assassination.

Obviously, there are many opinions as to what constitutes an assassination. Usually assassination is used when someone important is murdered, but assassination isn’t based on “importance.” It is the removal of someone because of who they are, what they do or what they know. If someone is murdered for their wallet, or their car, that would not be an assassination. Assassination isn’t about how important the victim was — it’s about the motive for the murder. 

Unfortunately, assassinations have become commonplace for us — we hear about them from around the globe on a more or less regular basis. Most of us can tick off a list of people that have been assassinated without having to think too hard… Julius Caesar, Malcom X, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., James Garfield, Huey Long, Medgar Evers, etc.
Often, news of these deaths is so shocking that people can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing, wearing or eating when they learned person had been murdered. 

Assassinations have become (an unwelcome) part of our world. I’ve heard it said that assassination is the extreme form of censorship… probably true. 
— 30 —

We were listening to the news this morning and I made the remark that the the whole world is becoming stupid — and that they should all wear dunce caps. As I sat there, mulling over the news, I got to thinking that maybe intelligence has just become an oppressive force on all these stupid people for a long time. I think they believe their stupidity and idiotic tendencies are not something to be mocked — they should be celebrated. Unfortunately, admitting stupidity is still taboo in our society, so it’s necessary for these people to pretend to have knowledge to survive. Some of our friends often simulate knowledge of, especially,  politics and history and readily accept compliments from friends and family on their intelligence, who seem unaware of its fictitious nature.

But, again, I’ve gotten a little off the subject. I intended to discuss dunce caps… after I had used the term, it occurred to me that you don’t hear it much anymore and probably most of the younger generation don’t know what one is.

When I was young, “dunce cap” was a fairly common term and was always a symbol of idiocy or punishment. But that wasn’t always the case. 
For the younger readers, the caps were usually made from rolling paper into a cone and writing a “D” or the word “Dunce” on the paper to indicate that the person wearing the cap had done something very stupid. They were called a dunce cap or dunce’s cap or a dunce hat or dunce’s hat.

The name comes from a Scottish philosopher-theologian named John Duns Scotus. I’m not sure if it’s of any significance or an omen or something, but his last name (Scotus) happens to be the abbreviation for the Supreme Court of the United States. His middle name, Duns, comes from the village where he was born and came to be pronounced “dunce.”

John Duns Scotus was a Franciscan who was ordained in 1291 to wear “the habit of the Friars Minor at Dumbries.” 
The dude was a real thinker — his life’s work was all about the study of this world and the next. He became a master philosopher, linguist, theologian and metaphysical thinker.

So how did his name become a synonym for stupidity? For some reason, Scotus was also a proponent for the use of pointy hats. One story is that he was inspired by the use of such hats by wizards — another says that it was Scouts’  love of the headgear that inspired the popular image of wizards wearing conical hats. Either way, the hats were meant to indicate wise men. Scouts believed the conical shape would act like some metaphysical funnel of knowledge and wisdom. The hats were a symbol of knowledge until after he died (in 1308.) But during the 1500s, the popular thought among church scholars began to turn against the “Dunsmen,” and soon the “Dunsmen” or “Duns” were thought to be woefully out-of-date in their thinking, and thus stupid. 

Today John Duns Scotus is thought to be one of the great thinkers of the Middle Ages. He was beatified in 1993 by Pope John Paul II, in recognition for his contributions to religious theory. 
So even though you don’t hear much about them anymore, dunce caps may not represent a proud tradition, but they certainly are part of a long-standing one.
— 30 —

Those of you that have ever had the discussion with me, know that I don’t like Facebook. I think it’s dangerous and often causes more harm than it does good. I rarely check Facebook, but I often get e-mails advising me that someone I may (or may not) know is having a birthday or doing something special and suggesting that I write something on their Facebook page. 

Today I got a “challenge” from someone asking me participate on their page. 
Here is their challenge — “Apart from makeup, breakup, wake up, 7up and look up. Which other UP do you know?” Well, I’m not usually one to turn down a challenge, but after giving this one about 30 seconds of thought, I realized it sure isn’t much of a challenge….

Up is a word that is probably used by all of us multiple times ever day — it’s not particularly hard to think of lot of words and phrases that use “up,” like…. wind up, stand up, keep up, screw up, show up, look up, sum up, clean up, throw up, sign up, round up, line up, catch up, roll up, add up, tear up, warm up, shut up, rise up, mix up, wake up, suck up, cover up, or shake up.

We’ve probably all said, “what’s up?” on occasion and had to “give it up” sometimes and I know I’ve often gotten “fed up” with things. I’ve certainly been told to “shut up” at times and I’ve even given “two thumbs up” a few times. 

Sometimes we don’t realize how often we use that little word “up.” Just think about all the times you got all dressed up, or got all worked up over something, or went barking up the wrong tree. How often have you heard “bottoms up” during happy hour? 

Obviously this blog could become very long just by listing all the times I’ve used “up.” So I’m not sure why such a silly, and simple, challenge was issued. But it was, and I decided to “take the person UP on his challenge.” I think I won….
— 30 —

Today is May 9th — Mother’s Day. Coincidently, May 9th, 1976 was also Mother’s Day — and — the day Kelly was born. I remember the weather being a little nicer on May 9, 1976… bright and sunny and warm.

Since Kelly was born, her birthday has fallen on Mother’s Day in 1982, 1993, 1999, 2004, 2010 and 2021. 

The day Kelly was born, Gerald Ford was President, James Callaghan was the UK Prime Minister, and Pope Paul VI was leading the Catholic Church. One of the best selling books was The Russians by Hedrick Smith. The top pop song was Welcome Back by John Sebastian. 

I won’t reveal Kelly’s age, but if my calculation is correct, she’s 16434 days old…. and that makes her a member of Generation X (I think.)

I’m not sure if Emily has figured it out yet, but she can probably get away with only one gift this year… it can be a combination Birthday/Mother’s Day gift.
Happy Birthday Kelly (and Happy Mother’s Day.)
Love you lots….
— 30 —