What Would Jimmy Do?

We were talking about urban legends the other day and the subject of Twinkies came up. I’m not sure why, but Twinkies seem to have always been a good topic for a tall tale, You’ve probably heard a lot or most of them yourselves. 

Can Twinkies really stay fresh for 50 years or more? If you were around during the Cold War in the 50s and 60s, when a nuclear attack from the Soviet Union seemed possible, you might think so. Apparently at the height of the Cold War, Twinkies were one of the staples of the survival foods people stocked in household bomb shelters. This probably helped spawn the notion that they could withstand not only a nuclear holocaust but also the ravages of time.

You may remember that back on November 12, 2016 Hostess announced that they were shutting down operations and selling off their assets. That meant no Twinkies — for a while at least, There was no doubt that the recipe and rights would be bought by another company. 

Twinkies were thought up by James A. Dewar, the Vice President of Continental Bakeries that sold products under the Hostess brand. Dewar came up with the idea for Twinkies while he was trying to come up with a way to utilize the machines used to make cream filled strawberry shortcakes when strawberries weren’t in season. The machines normally sat idle during this time. In fact, during the 1980s Hostess introduced a strawberry cream filled Twinkie, but it wasn’t successful. Twinkies were originally filled with banana cream, hence the coloring and shape. During World War II, bananas became scarce, so they switched to vanilla cream.

Dewar also came up with the name “Twinkies.” He was on the way to a marketing meeting and saw a billboard advertising “Twinkle-Toes Shoes” and came up with the name.

One of the artificial ingredients in Twinkies is cellulose gum, which gives the cream in Twinkies its smooth texture. Another place you can find cellulose gum is in rocket fuel.
According to research, it takes about 45 seconds to explode a Twinkie in a standard microwave oven.

I haven’t had a Twinkie in a long time (many, many years) but if I remember, they weren’t too bad. I read that more than 1000 Twinkies can be produced every minute — that equates to about 500 million per year. If that’s true, it puts the kibosh on my favorite Twinkie story…. Due to an error in market research, the company overproduced Twinkies two decades ago and hasn’t made any since, and will not resume production until all the “vintage Twinkies” are eaten.
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If you’ve been following the news lately you’re probably aware of the so-called “Havana syndrome.” It’s been going on for some years, but the previous President didn’t pay much attention to it and we’re just learning how disorganized the government response to it was during that administration. There was no central way for departments to share reports of the episodes and many of the targets were intelligence officers whose identities and location could not be revealed.

Last Friday, President Biden’s top aides were told that experts studying the mysterious illnesses affecting scores of diplomats and their family members were still struggling to find evidence to back up the leading theory, that microwave attacks are being launched by Russian agents. The victims of the phenomenon experience unexplained headaches, dizziness and memory loss.

The National Security Council has begun an urgent effort to address the issue and two separate task forces are now in operation. The high-ranking nature of the investigation is an indication of how quickly the attacks, which date back to 2016, have risen from a medical mystery to an urgent national security issue.

The leading theory remains that microwave beams are aimed at government buildings and residences, either as part of an espionage effort or as a deliberate attempt to hit American officials with a debilitating, invisible and hard-to-trace weapon. 

One theory is that the attack began as an espionage effort that turned into a stealthy means of attack. Microwave technology has been used over the years by American adversaries to try to recreate documents by detecting the emissions of typewriters and then computer keyboards and cellphone communications. 

So far, the frustrating part is that there is still no definitive conclusion as to the cause that would enable the President to call out the Russians, the way he has with cyberattacks.

Information released last Friday indicated that the National Security Council was leveraging a broad array of scientific and medical expertise from within the government and outside it to explore multiple hypotheses and generate new insights into the episodes. 

One element of that effort is to develop portable sensors that could be widely distributed to detect attacks. But it is hard to ensure that the sensors would work without any certainty that microwaves are the cause of the unexplained illnesses. And — even if they are the cause, the sensors would have to be able to pick up signals across a large part of the electromagnetic spectrum.

This mysterious illness is disturbing, but I find it interesting that it surfaced during the Trump administration…. and when you think about it, lots of strange things and theories surfaced during those four years. The theory that the corona virus leaked from a lab in China, UFOs became a hot topic  after many years on the back burner and now the Havana syndrome…. seems like that four year period produced major unsolved mysteries on a regular basis. A lot of those things have not and maybe can not be resolved. The government has always had secrets, but for four years it seems like they also had a lot of mysteries. Secrets can usually, eventually be learned, but mysteries may never be solved. Right now, the Havana syndrome appears to fall into the mystery category.
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We voted early in the last Presidential election — at the county court house in Charles Town. We stood in line for a long time to vote…. I’d say the line was two or three blocks long. 
Well, that got me to wondering — when did people first start standing in line for things? 

I did some extensive research and found one study that indicated that the average person will spend 10 years in line over their lifetime. That sounds a little high to me, but a number of sources say Americans spend a staggering 37 billion hours waiting in line every year. 

Usually when I think of lines, the DMV immediately comes to mind — seems like there’s always a line there. One pretty much has to stand in line at the DMV, but I guess some lines people stand in voluntarily. I’ve seen lines of people waiting to get into restaurants, concerts and to buy the latest iPhones. I think basically human beings hate standing in lines, but in some lines, people seem to love being in front of them.

It seems like the modern concept of lines, or queues, started in revolutionary France and made its way to English shores around 1837. The first written description of people standing in line is found in The French Revolution: A History by Thomas Carlyle. Along with descriptions of the head chopping by guillotine and street mobs, Carlyle described the queues in Paris —at bakery shops, in a time of massive famine and bread shortages among the peasants. The book also discussed the political aspect of queues. The slogan of the French Revolution was “Liberty, Equality, fraternity,” so to patiently wait one’s turn was to hold everyone as equals. In America, we believe that all are created equal, so we, too, stand in line. 

The British have long had a reputation for embracing queueing. The idea that the British are willing, patient and even eager to stand in line dates to World War II propaganda during a time of shortages and rationing — and is a myth. In fact, queues were often tense and politically charged that had to be policed in case of riots. 

One theory has it that “queuing” came about because leaders decided they had to deal with the disorderliness of their urban centers. Simply stated, they wanted to tame the crowd. They created straight, well-organized streets. Sidewalks were built to separate pedestrians from traffic and encourage them to walk in a straight line. Police forces were told to “keep people in line.” Also, over the years, schools have played a role — kids are taught not to cut in line, and mind the rules.

Interestingly, there have been a number of studies that focused on lines. The studies all revealed a social system in miniature — complete with competition and cliques. The studies found that querers at the front formed alliances, creating rules that allowed people to leave while others protected their spots. People talked more to each other the closer to the front of a line they were. They cooperated and established disciplinary rules, shared interests, played games, prepared food, told stories and did favors for each other. When they fought, they resolved disputes, sought leadership and conferred authority.

I found a long article about the 2008 Olympic Games held in Beijing. For a year prior to the start of the games, the Chinese government’s Office of Capital Ethics Development ran a campaign explaining that public spitting and littering were discouraged and thousands of pamphlets were handed out educating the citizens about proper “street etiquette.”
The Chinese character for the numeral 11 resembles two people standing in line. The ethics office put up signs that read in Chinese: “I wait in line and am cultured. I display courtesy and am happy.” and “It’s civilized to queue, it’s glorious to be polite.” 

So people have been, and will continue, standing in line for a very long time. I don’t consider myself an especially impatient person, but standing in a slow-moving line is one of those small, maddening aspects of life that drives me crazy. Maybe since my extensive research has given be more insight to lines, I’ll be more patient.
Nah — the older I get, fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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The diplomatic relationship between the U.S. and Russia has always been a little “different.” Call it “games,” or whatever you want but the two countries have always spared over all kinds of issues — significant and trivial.

Having had a bit of first-hand experience in the past, I thought it was interesting to read a day or so ago about one of the latest ‘Incidents.” 

Back in April, Russian President Vladimir Putin made a ruling prohibiting any locally-hired employees from working for the U.S. — the only exception being security guards. That ruling became effective on August 1. 

Ten years ago, there were close to 350 U.S. diplomats in  Russia who were supported by about 1,900 “foreign service nationals.” Many of the “local hires” performed routine administrative, technical, cleaning, maintenance, and cooking chores. Now, American foreign service officers will have to take time away from issuing visas and other diplomatic chores to clean floors, do laundry, etc. 
Putin’s move was a reaction to the U.S. kicking out some Russian diplomats this past spring. 

On August 5th, the U.S. State Department issued a Russia Travel Advisory, warning Americans not to travel to Russia due to possible terrorism and harassment by Russian government security officials. The advisory went on to say it was issued because the arbitrary enforcement of local laws left the embassy with limited ability to assist U.S. citizens in Russia. 

So — if you were thinking of a trip to Russia to pick up a bottle or two of good vodka, you might want to re-think those plans.
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Today is one of those Chinese holidays that we celebrate. Both readers of this blog know that Valentine’s Day on February 14th is celebrated by us either before or after the actual holiday because restaurants are just too crowded on the 14th.

So today, we get to celebrate Valentine’s Day on the actual date — restaurants aren’t generally overflowing on Chinese Valentine’s Day. Chinese Valentine’s Day falls on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month of the Chinese calendar — this year, it’s today, August 14.

This Chinese holiday goes by different names — originally it was called the Double Seven Festival. Its formal name in Chinese is the Qi-Xi Festival. And it sometimes goes by the name of The Daughter’s Festival — the day for unmarried young girls looking for love.
In China, on Chinese Valentine’s Day, people in love like to go to the Temple of Matchmaker and pray for their love and possible marriage.

As I mentioned, today is also known as The Daughter’s Festival. Long ago, Chinese girls always wanted to train themselves to have a good handcrafting skill like the Weaving Maid. The skill is essential for their future family. On the night of the festival, unmarried girls may pray for the Weaving Maid star to let them become smarter. When the star Vega (the Weaving Maid star) is high up in the sky, girls do a test, which is to put a needle on the water surface. If the needle doesn’t sink, then the girl is already smart enough and ready to find a husband. Girls may ask for any wish, but only one per year.

But for me, at least, this Valentines’s Day is even better than the one in February — the restaurants aren’t crowded, you don’t have to order from a special menu and although nothing says you have to have Chinese food today, I think today’s a good day for it… and of course top it off with some plum wine.
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Fifty years is a long time and there just seems like there’s something special about fifty. It’s only one more than forty-nine, but forty-nine is just a number — fifty is special. Well, today, we made it to fifty. No, we haven’t been married for fifty years — that won’t happen until May. But fifty years ago tonight, Claire and myself went on our first official date. 

Both regular readers know by now that we went to the Merriweather Post Pavilion and saw Blood, Sweat and Tears — and we chose that place because it was far enough away from Washington to provide a less chaotic setting for a date. So here we are, 50 years later and we still wouldn’t go on a date in Washington but we’ve managed to survive all sorts of natural and man-made catastrophes and turmoil over the years. 

To say that the past 50 years have been good to us would ge a gigantic understatement. I recently read an article about the rising number of couples over 50 calling it quits — the article referred to them as “gray divorces,” and indicated that they now account for 25 percent of couples separating. I guess that “until death do you part” thing doesn’t apply anymore. 

So 50 years ago tonight, on Friday the 13th, Jimmy and Claire’s relationship started — and tonight, on Friday the 13th, we’ll toast to those fifty years. Who said Friday the 13th was unlucky?
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Are you ready for some football? Hard to believe, but football season is right around the corner. A week or so ago, I was looking for something to watch besides the Olympics and I ran across a re-run of a Canadian Football game. Over the years, I’ve periodically watched a few Canadian games. They’re very similar to the NFL games, but there are some significant differences. 
I thought since I don’t have anything better to do today, it might be interesting to discuss the differences in American (NFL) and Canadian (CFL) football. 

I’m not sure of all the details, but both American and Canadian football descended from rugby, and the game of football actually began in Canada. Even though they both came from rugby, the game developed differently in both countries and both have a few substantially different rules and regulations.

When I first watched Canadian football, they talked about something called a rouge — something I’d never heard of. Turns out it’s exclusive to Canadian football. A rouge is sometimes called “a single” and it is a method of scoring that involves kicking the ball into the end zone. As you might guess, a rouge is a single, or one point. One point is awarded when the ball is kicked into the end zone by any legal means and the receiving team does not return the ball out of the end zone. This single point thing is still a little confusing to me, but as I understand it, a single point is awarded to the kicking team when: The kicking team misses a field goal or punts the ball and the receiving team does not return the ball out of their end zone. Or, when the kicking team misses a field goal or punts and the ball goes through the end zone and out of bounds without being touched.

Other than “the rouge” the scoring is pretty much the same in both leagues. A safety is two points, a field goal is three points, a touchdown in six points. A kicked extra point is one point, and a conversion run is two points.

One obvious difference in the two games is the size of the field. In Canada, football fields are 110 yards long and 65 yards wide. In American football fields are 100 yards long and 53 ⅓  yards wide. The goal posts in Canadian football are placed at the front, rather than the back of the end zone.

Of course the NFL is all about the money — the latest statistics I could find indicated that in 2017, the average yearly salary for an NFL player was around $2.7 million. The average salary for a CFL player was about $96,857 (Canadian dollars.) 

An NFL team is comprised of 11 players. In the CFL there are 12 players. The NFL allows four downs to advance the ball 10 yards. The CFL only allows three downs.
The NFL permits each team three timeouts per half and there is a two-minute warning at the end of each half. CFL rules allow two timeouts per game and a three-minute warning.
When a play is over, NFL teams have 40 seconds to run an offensive play after the referee’s whistle. In the CFL, after the play is over, the referee whistles for the next play to start and the offense has 20 seconds to snap the ball. 
There is no fair catch rule in the CFL and the punting team must give a cushion of about five yards to allow the punt returner to either catch the ball in mid-air, after it bounces, or pick it up and run after the ball has stopped bouncing. It’s a ten-yard penalty if the kicking team does not allow the five-yard cushion.

Both American and Canadian football descended from rugby and many, if not most, of the rule differences came about as the result of rules changes in American football in the early 20th century, which were not copied by Canadian football — but they’re both still basically the same game.
Then, of course, there’s Australian football….there is absolutely no similarity between Australian football and American or Canadian football — maybe we can explore some of the hundreds of differences another time.

But for now, it’s time to get ready for the new season, because football is the most important of the less important things in the world.
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Those of you who know me, know that I’m not especially fond of birthdays, especially my birthday. But when I was seven years old, my birthday was celebrated with a big bang — maybe the biggest ever. On August 6, 1945, the United States became the first (and, so far, only) nation to use atomic weaponry during wartime when it dropped an atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. 

Approximately 80,000 people were killed as a direct result of the blast, and another 35,000 were injured. At least another 60,000 died by end of the year from the effects of the fallout. 

The United States began working on the development of an atomic weapon, after having been warned that Nazi Germany was already conducting research into nuclear weapons.
By the time the U.S. conducted the first successful test (in July, 1945 in the New Mexico desert) Germany had already been defeated. But the war against Japan in the Pacific continued to rage. President Truman was warned by some of his advisers that any attempt to invade Japan would result in horrific American casualties. Based on that information, he ordered that the new weapon be used to bring the war to a speedy end. On August 6, 1945, the American bomber Enola Gay dropped a five-ton bomb over Hiroshima.

In the years since the war, a number of historians have suggested that the atomic weapons had a two-pronged objective. First, was to bring the war with Japan to a speedy end and save American lives. But many suggest that the second objective was to demonstrate the new weapon of mass destruction to the Soviet Union. 

By August 1945, relations between the Soviet Union and the United States had deteriorated badly. The Potsdam Conference between Truman, Stalin and Churchill ended in failure and Russian armies were occupying most of Eastern Europe. Truman and many of his advisers hoped that the U.S. atomic “monopoly” might offer diplomatic leverage with the Soviets. Some say that the dropping of the atomic bomb on Japan was the first shot of the Cold War. 

It turns out that if the U.S. truly believed they could use their atomic “monopoly” for a diplomatic advantage, they didn’t have much time to pull it off. By 1949, the Soviets had developed their own atomic bomb and the nuclear arms race was under way.

So being seven years old, I don’t remember that much about August 6, 1945, but I do remember it, and even at age seven I understood that it was something big — and important. 

But today is my birthday. When I was a kid, I remember thinking that when my birthday rolled around, it was almost time for school to start. Many schools in the area that I lived in started school in early August and after a few weeks the schools were closed for a few weeks, so kids could help with farm work — primarily, cotton picking. Maysville’s schools didn’t close for cotton picking, but they did start in August, so it seemed like by birthday was a signal that summer was ending.

Anyhow, those of us born in August were born under one of two star signs. If we were born before August 22nd we are Leos — those born on the 23rd or later are virgos. Leos are said to be very proud people who display great leadership. Virgos are analytical and hardworking people, while still being kind and loyal.

But back to today — most of you think it’s noteworthy because of the anniversary of the atomic bomb being dropped and my birthday, but on August 6, 1762, the first-ever sandwich was created, at least the first food called a sandwich. It was named after the Earl of Sandwich when he requested a dish involving meat between two pieces of bread. As the story goes, he requested it as he was in the middle of a gambling game and didn’t want to interrupt it. Not surprisingly, August is Sandwich Month.
So on an important day like today, I think it’s appropriate to celebrate, not with a cake, but with a sandwich.
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There are a lot of fast-food chicken places around and seems like more are popping up every day. When I was very young, there weren’t any. If you wanted chicken, you went to a regular restaurant and ordered fried chicken from the menu. I don’t remember other kinds of chicken being on the menu. But then again, I grew up in Oklahoma, where beef was king. A lot of people had fried chicken for their Sunday dinner (the noon meal, after church) but other than that, people ate beef. 

Well, anyhow, I got to thinking about Kentucky Fried Chicken and Colonel Sanders. I did some extensive research on Colonel Sanders and discovered some interesting things….
Up until age 40, Harland Sanders was running a service station in Kentucky that also served food. He later moved his operation to a restaurant across the street called the Sanders Cafe. His restaurant became popular and was noted for his featured fried chicken. 

So where does the “colonel” come in? My extensive research revealed that Sanders’ U.S. Army record shows he never made it past private.

It turns out you can be a colonel without really being a colonel. The rank of colonel has a distinguished history dating back to Roman times, but the precise meaning of the term has varied. Generally, a colonel commands a regiment, which can include as many as 5,000 soldiers. However, early Americans adopted the British tradition of conferring colonelships on members of the upper class who didn’t command soldiers directly, but served as figureheads. In colonial times before the Civil War, a wealthy landowner would often earn the title of colonel by funding a regiment of a local militia. These actions of politeness or respect became linked to the figure of the “Southern gentleman” as a mark of importance in the community. 

A number of states expanded this tradition by granting their governors the power to make ordinary citizens honorary colonels in recognition of a special achievement or contribution. In 1935, Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffon commissioned Harland Sanders as a Kentucky Colonel, and Governor Earle C. Clements did it again in 1949. It seems that Sanders had lost the original proclamation paper. At the time, Sanders was operating the small, but well-known Sanders Cafe, and was active in the community. 

Sanders liked how the title rolled off the tongue, and when he received his second commission, he embraced it whole-hog, or maybe whole-chicken. He adopted the wardrobe, facial hair, and walking cane that evoked the image of an old-time Southern gentleman. That person was memorable, and it helped him turn his restaurant into a thriving franchise operation. In February, 1964, he sold Kentucky Fried Chicken for $2 million, and he appeared in ads for the company for many years afterward. Colonel Sanders died in Louisville, Kentucky on December 16, 1980. 

Sanders is in good — but maybe a little odd — company. Other honorary Kentucky Colonels include Muhammad Ali, Elvis Presley, Ronald Reagan, Tiger Woods, Winston Churchill and Pope John Paul II.

I don’t know how “honored” John Paul II felt with the commission — he never went by Colonel Pope, or sipped mint juleps on the veranda of the Vatican — at least as far as I know.
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Well, here we are in August — famous for the “dog days” and what most people consider to be the last month of summer. I grew up in a farming community and the farmers always said that August was a time to reap what you’ve sown. I suppose that’s true — a lot of crops around here have been or are being harvested this time of year.

Summer is a time to try to keep up with lawn mowing — something that seems to get harder for me every year, but August also contributes to the outdoor work by encouraging weeds to grow. Back in the days of the Anglo-Saxons, August was called Weod Monath. That translates to “weed month,” and it’s literally true — I just read that in this month weeds and other plants grow the fastest (in the northern hemisphere.) 

Other than apparently providing just the right conditions for weeds, the month is a little bit unique in that in a standard year, there is no other month that begins on the same day of the week as August. In a leap year, August begins on the same day of the week as February. Now if that doesn’t prepare you for Jeopardy, I don’t know what will.
Anyhow, enjoy the rest of the summer…..
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