Have you ever wanted to “pay someone back” after an unpleasant or hurtful comment or argument, or wanted to “settle the score” after a friend breaks your trust or betrays your confidence?
I bet there aren’t many of us who are blameless. You probably can’t honestly say that you have never harbored thoughts of getting even with someone who has done you wrong. I would imagine that if the truth be told, most people respond to a real or perceived hurt or slight with some desire to retaliate. Thankfully, most people do it through thoughts alone — but a few retaliate with action, delivering revenge on the offender either physically or through a carefully thought-out plan. The desire for revenge is common to everyone.
Why is that? The obvious answer is that it makes us feel better, but from what I’ve read, psychologists say that we are acting in response to our emotions when it come to seeking revenge — and — the primary motivation for seeking retribution is either anger or fear. I always just assumed anger was the motivation — I really hadn’t considered fear, but if you think about it, it makes some sense. We all — especially men — have a fear of “losing face.” If you let someone cut you off in traffic, or step in front of you in line without some sign of resistance, you think you’ll be seen, or maybe worse — perceive yourself, as feeble or a pushover in some way.
We all know how petty-minded, or even mean spirited it is to want revenge — but — we also know how satisfying it is to even the score.
So why don’t we just “turn the other cheek” rather than seek revenge? I don’t think forgiveness comes naturally to us humans. We tend to want to get even because that’s only fair — kind of like restoring the natural order of things.
But anyhow, revenge has been around pretty much forever and I don’t see much indication that it’s going away anytime soon. Even Shakespeare wrote about it in The Merchant of Venice…. “If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?”
I’m certainly not one to give advice, but maybe we should all just take the view that there is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
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