A few days ago, the subject of this blog was compliments and how sometimes compliments didn’t come across as they were intended — even if the person doing the complementing was sincere. Given so many words in our language that have multiple meanings, I’m not surprised. In fact, I’m surprised that we can communicate as well as we can.
Sometimes we can say something to one person and get one reaction and say the exact same thing to another person and get a completely different reaction. Well, I got to wondering why that is. After a bit of extensive research, I discovered that words (and phrases) actually have two distinct meanings. The denotative meaning refers to what the word refers to or what it means. But words also have something called the connotative meaning associated with them that has to do with what the word suggests to a person based on his or her experiences and associations with that word. For instance, if you love dogs, the word dog means an animal with four legs, licks you in the face, etc. But let’s say you were bitten by a dog when you were a kid – the mention of a dog may very well conjure up bad thoughts or even fear.
Not only does the same word mean different things and evoke different emotions in people, the same word often has multiple meanings. The word cold can mean a low temperature, or being sick with the sniffles — it can also mean to be “aloof” or lacking emotion. And just think of all the ways we use the word: we talk about a cold room or cold beer, using cold logic, a cold person or maybe a cold audience. A dog may be tracking a cold scent, a body may be cold in the grave, someone may have cold fury, a basketball team may have a cold shooting night, someone might be cold sober or turned down cold. Or — may get cold feet, be given a cold shoulder, be killed in cold blood, or just be out in the cold. Anyhow, you get the idea — simple words have multiple meanings and can be used in numerous ways.
Then of course there’s the gender thing — unfortunately, men and women can say exactly the same thing and believe me, it has a completely different meaning… take vulnerable for instance. being vulnerable to a woman is to fully emotionally open up one’s self to another. To a man, being vulnerable is playing football without a helmet. A woman’s definition of communication is the open sharing of thoughts and feelings with their partner. A man has communicated if he leaves a note before taking off to play golf with the guys. Entertainment for women may be a good movie, concert, book, or a play. Men think entertainment is anything that can be done while drinking beer.
There’s an old comic routine titled, “What the Captain means…” that has one of the comedians (“the Captain”) making a rather blunt or rude statement and the other putting a diplomatic spin on it. That sort of thing happens in real life, too. You learn that what is being said (and often the way it’s said) doesn’t really mean what it sounds like. For instance, if your wife says, “thanks.” It probably means thanks — and the correct response is “you’re welcome. But if she says, “thanks a lot,” that is dramatically different than “thanks.” The proper response here is not, “you’re welcome.”
Well, since there is no time like the present, I thought it was time to present my views on these word quirks — it’s my present to you….
—30—