What Would Jimmy Do?

Once again, please excuse this entry. It’s just one more of my private therapy sessions with myself…
During my recent searching for answers, I’ve discovered that one of the basic spiritual principles in most philosophies is the idea of opening your heart to “what is.” You can’t insist that life be a certain way. After doing a fair amount of reading, it appears that idea is very important because most internal struggles stem from the desire to control life — to insist that it be different than it actually is. Of course, life isn’t always the way we want it to be — it’s just simply the way it is. Apparently, when we are able to surrender to the truth, we may be able to find peace of mind.
I think this is a good philosophy — now if I can just talk myself into believing it…..
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A couple stopped by last evening to have a glass of wine or three…. During their time here, it occurred to me that neither one of them were very good listeners. I won’t go into details, but if I picked up on it, I’d say it must have been pretty obvious. 

A lot of our friends knew that Claire and I had a tradition of setting aside one night each month to talk to each other and to listen to each other. I am certainly not one to give advice, but if I had to make one single suggestion as to how to help virtually all relationships, it would be to become a better listener.
Without doing a lot of extensive research, I’m not sure about this, but I’d guess that men would win the prize for worst listeners. I’d bet that if you took a survey of couples that claim they have a good, loving relationship and asked them what’s the secret to their success, most of them would tell you that it’s the other person’s ability to listen that’s a major contributor to the success of their relationship. 

Well, I got to wondering why more of us aren’t very good listeners. I think guys believe listening is kind of sissy stuff — they’d rather just jump right in do something — just listening seems like you’re doing nothing. But — the fact is that listening is the solution. 

I know I often don’t listen to people as closely as I should, and I know how I feel when I think someone isn’t listening to me. I don’t think many of us realize just how bad we are at listening until someone tells us about it or points it out to us. Poor listening skills are kind of like a bad habit that we don’t even realize we have sometimes. We probably all need to concentrate on listening to what someone is saying rather than thinking about what we’re going to say when it’s our turn…. or, even worse, jumping in and interrupting someone. 

I think our one night a month tradition of talking and listening made us both better listeners. Becoming a better listener is an art form, but it mostly just requires your intention to become a better listener — and of course a bit of practice. Speaking from personal experience, you’d be amazed at how much closer you feel to the ones your love if you just quiet down and become a better listener…..
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I heard the term Barbarian the other day. Well, of course, I got to thinking about that. I actually hadn’t heard the word for some time, but I think I’ve heard it most, if not all, my life. 
The dictionary defines barbarian as:
1. of or relating to a land, culture, or people alien and usually believed to be inferior to another land, culture or people.
2. lacking refinement, learning. or artistic or literary culture.

When the Roman Empire fell (in the fifth century) the entire empire was overrun by barbarians. Some historians say that Rome was on the verge of falling anyway, even before the barbarians moved in, but the barbarians got the credit/blame.

The original Greek word was applied to strangers who didn’t speak Greek. The word supposedly imitates what the unintelligible foreigners sounded like — “bar-bar-bar” (kind of like “blah, blah, blah”.) If that’s true, I guess every non-Greek civilization is barbarian. But — are barbarians more violent than their civilized neighbors? The Romans made their reputation sacking cities, beheading enemies, and sometimes slaughtering children. They made public entertainment out of killing Christians, Jews and slaves in all sort of imaginative ways. 

When pagan tribes began to invade the Roman Empire, some of them settled in and became part of the community. They brought fresh ideas, flexibility, tools, and skills with them, and passed them on to the new civilizations that followed.

A little extensive research came up with some of the nice things that were passed along from “barbarians.”
The Germanic tribes were farmers, and in some locations they revolutionized agriculture. They knew how to build a plow that worked better than those used in the heavy soil of northern Britain. That allowed land that formerly had to be plowed twice to be tilled much deeper and much faster. Those invaders soon became lords of great estates.

Most people would have trouble staying on a charging horse — much less wielding a weapon — without a saddle or stirrups. Barbarian warriors brought both of those to Europe. In fact, it’s said that invading Goths beat the Roman infantry because Goth horseman had stirrups. 

Saint Bede the Venerable, an eighth century theologian and historian, wrote that Easter has its roots in the pagan Anglo-Saxon spring equinox festival, around March 20-21. The spring festival was called Eostre after a goddess of spring and of beauty. The barbarian practice of coloring eggs, and their respect for rabbits (both revered as fertility images) were also incorporated into the Christian celebration. An interesting sidebar…. Bede the Venerable is the one that got everybody started dating events B.C and A. D. — before and after the year he mistakenly thought Jesus was born. (Maybe another good topic for this blog…..)

May Day celebrations is something else that came from barbarian rites. Dancing around a gaily decorated maypole was originally intended to encourage fertility in crops and animals.

Winter solstice was celebrated by tribal people in December. Solstice festivals honored vegetation gods, and included decorating with greenery, fir trees, and mistletoe, which symbolized fertility and long life. Northern tribes came up with the Yule log, feasts featuring a boar’s head or ham — and — the exchange of gifts. 

Even today’s Santa Claus is loosely based on the chief Norse god Odin, who was said to ride all around the world every winter giving out gifts and punishments. Odin was especially generous to children who put out treats for his eight-legged horse, Slepnir. 

So barbarians kind  of get a bad rap, but they probably weren’t such a bad bunch after all. Although maybe an eight-legged horse doesn’t have the same charm as a reindeer with a red nose…..
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I was watching the Discovery Channel the other night and there was a program about sepulchers. I didn’t know what a sepulcher was. Turns out it’s an old-timey word for a tomb or place of burial. It often describes tombs carved out of rock or built from stone. According to my extensive research, when the word “sepulcher” is used, it’s usually in reference to the tomb in which Jesus was laid to rest — a sepulcher near Calvary. His generally accepted place of burial is commemorated by the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which was dedicated in the 4th century and has been destroyed and rebuilt several times. It is now visited by thousands of tourists every year.

But anyhow, this might be a good time to talk about final resting places…..
A lot of years ago, people had to make decisions on tombs  and crypts that make todays decisions about urns or whether to choose a cherry casket or pine box seem pretty straightforward.

A tomb can be something as simple as a hole in the ground, but it typically refers to a structure or vault for internment below or above ground. It can also mean a memorial shrine above a grave. In the Middle Ages, Christian tombs became breathtaking structures that sometimes saw entire churches built over the graves of departed dignitaries. For example, in 1066, King Edward the Confessor was entombed in front of the high alter at Westminster Abbey in Great Britain.

A crypt is a specific type of tomb, usually a vault or chamber built beneath a church. Outstanding servants of a particular church — bishops, for example, or extremely loyal parishioners — are often buried in the crypt underneath. Centuries ago in Europe, these vast burial chambers also served as meeting places. 

Sarcophagus, another term that I wasn’t familiar with, usually refers to an elaborate casket that isn’t sunk into the ground. The oldest are from Egypt  — box-shaped with separate lids. The later Egyptian sarcophagi were often shaped like the body. The most famous sarcophagus holds Egypt’s King Tut. It was discovered in 1922 and is made of quartzite and has reliefs of goddesses carved into the sides. It also has a heavy granite lid. 

But today, most people are buried in the ground with a simple headstone. I guess by the time all the bills are paid, there usually isn’t enough money left to for a King Tut style burial.
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I’ve used the word mesmerized from time to time. To be truthful, I’m not sure I always use it correctly. Sometimes I use it when I suppose I could have used fascinating, or sometimes in place of transfixed or astonished. Anyhow, that got me to thinking that maybe I didn’t really know how to use the term — after all, it is kind of a strange word. I wondered where it came from….
Checking the dictionary, I found that the word mesmerize comes from the last name of an 18th century German physician Franz Mesmer. Mesmer believed that all people and objects are pulled together by a strong magnetic force, that was later called mesmerism. The dictionary meaning is (1) attract strongly, as if with a magnet; (2) induce hypnosis in.

It turned out that my extensive research discovered that Franz Anton Mesmer was a pretty interesting character. He was a kind of astrological psychotherapist and faith healer all rolled into one. He was operating in Vienna when someone reported him to the Imperial Morality Police (that’s a real organization there.) Anyhow, apparently young girls were entering his house and not coming out for a long time — like days or even weeks. Mesmer claimed that the girls suffered from various nervous conditions and he’d moved them into his house for treatment. The cure that made him famous involved a blind girl who said she was cured after a few days where she was given massages. Well it turns out that in the 1760s, that sort of thing was looked on with some amount of suspicion and disapproval. The medical profession of Vienna ganged up on him and denounced his treatments as quackery — so, he packed up and headed for Paris. 

Mesmer claimed that illness was caused by blockages in the body — and he was one of the few people who knew how to remove them. He believed that the whole universe was full of an invisible energy, which he called “animal magnetism,” and it was controlled by the movements of the stars and planets. By “magnetizing” his clients (apparently by massaging them) he could dislodge the blockage and — they would be cured. 

Over time his popularity grew and more and more people wanted to see him, so he started magnetizing whole crowds at once. He invented aa contraption — a wooden tub of water with metal rods attached — so that a group could gather around it holding onto the metal rods and transfer their magnetism to the water. Then he would spray the water over the rest of the onlookers with a hose and tell them they were cured.

He also came up with the idea of magnetizing trees. Then he’d hang ropes from them and when his patients touched the ropes, the miracle energy would flow through them. Mesmer claimed that this channeling of energy also explained psychic phenomena like telepathy, clairvoyance, and the ability to see the future.

Mesmer became very popular in Paris and King Louis XVI was one of his biggest fans. The king offered Mesmer a pension for life — on one condition. He had to submit his work to scientific investigation. Not surprisingly, Mesmer said thanks, but no thanks. But the king appointed a royal commission to investigate Mesmer’s claims. The commission gathered the best scientists in Paris — among them, Benjamin Franklin, as an expert on electricity (Ben was, at the time, American ambassador to France.) The commission also included Antoine Lavoisier, the father of modern chemistry and Dr. Joseph Guillotin, inventor of the guillotine. No big surprise, but the commission concluded that Mesmer was a fraud. The commission admitted that some people seemed to have been cured, but there was no truth in what Mesmer had to say about scientific astrology, trees, ropes, tubs of water, etc. “Animal magnetism” was nothing but a hoax. 
Mesmer was smart enough to know he was beaten — he left France and the mesmerizing business for good and settled in Austria. 

I thought this was a great story, but it didn’t answer the question as to why the dictionary would define mesmerize as “induce hypnosis in.”  So — more extensive research….
In 1789, one of Mesmer’s disciples, Marquis de Puysgur was applying the Mesmer method of “animal magnetism” to a young boy, and discovered, to his surprise, that the boy was in a trance. He would stand, walk, and sit on command, and when he woke, he didn’t remember anything about it. So that may be the way mesmerize and hypnotism got linked.
Also, stage illusionists in both Europe and America, who were followers of Mesmer, added this new trick to their acts. So animal magnetism kind of faded away and mesmerism and hypnosis kind of became synonymous.
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One thing I always told my kinds when they were growing up was, “Choose your battles wisely.”  It’s so easy to get into a “battle” over some little insignificant thing, that later seems stupid that any time at all was wasted on the subject. 
I’m sure I wasn’t the first to come up with that advice, it’s probably still a popular phrase in parenting today. But I was thinking about it and it really is kind of important in living a contented life. Life is full of opportunities to choose between making a big deal out of something or simply letting it go, realizing that it doesn’t really matter. If all your battles are like going to war, you’ll probably have much less chance of winning those that are truly important. 

Naturally there will be times when you want, or need, to argue, confront, or even fight for something you believe in. The problem is that many of us argue, confront, and fight over almost anything. If you do that — turn your life into a series of battles over “nothing,” there’s almost sure to be so much frustration that you lose track of what is truly relevant.
If your goal is to have everything work out in your favor, even the tiniest disagreement or glitch in your plans can be made into a big deal. That’s probably a sure-fire prescription for frustration.

If you think about it, life is rarely exactly the way we would like it to be — and, other people very often don’t act the way we’d like them to. Every day there are aspects of life that we like and maybe an equal number that we don’t like. There is always going to be people that don’t agree with you. People that do things differently. And things that just don’t work out. These are facts of life. If you fight these facts of life, you’ll spend a good part of your life fighting battles.
I can see my kids rolling their eyes right now, but a better way to live is to decide which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone. 

If your primary goal is to have everything work out perfectly, you’ve probably already given up on this blog and already commented how stupid it is. But if your goal is more along the lines of living a less stressful life, you’ll realize most battles aren’t worth fighting. Does which restaurant you go to really matter enough to argue over it? Does the fact that your neighbor parks his car on the grass warrant a letter to the HOA? Things like these are what many people spend their lives fighting about. 
Speaking for myself, I think I’ve always chosen my battles wisely, but today I find I rarely need to do battle at all.
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As a lot of you know, I’ve been searching for answers lately — answers to questions that can’t be answered. Over the years, during our travels, I’ve collected a number of books about Buddha and his teachings. Obviously I’m not a Buddhist, but I’ve found that a lot of his teachings make sense — I don’t consider them religious…. just very often, good advice. 
In my quest to accept things the way they now, and to accept myself they way I am, I ran across a Buddhist teaching that I remembered from a long time ago.

The principle  of that particular teaching is that all of life is in a constant state of change. Everything has a beginning and everything has an end. Every tree begins with a seed and will eventually transform back into earth. In the modern world, that means that every car, piece of clothing — everything — is created and all will wear out and crumble. It’s only a matter of when. Our bodies are born and they will die. The teaching uses a glass as an example — it’s created and will eventually break. 

Like a lot of Buddha’s writings, this teaching gives me a certain amount of peace. When you expect something to break, you’re not surprised or disappointed when it does. This is easy to say, but hard to do — but it’s important…. instead of becoming immobilized when something is destroyed, you should feel grateful for the time you have had. 

Buddha suggests that the easiest place to start is with the simple things — a glass, for example. Take your favorite glass and look at it for a moment, and appreciate its beauty and all it does for you. Now, imagine that same glass as already broken, shattered all over the floor. He suggests that you try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form.

I don’t think that Buddha is suggesting that anyone wants their favorite glass, or anything else, to be broken. I think he’s trying to say that we should try to make peace with the way things are.
I’m guessing that the purpose of this teaching is that you should develop the philosophy that allows you to maintain your perspective — when the glass breaks, rather than saying, “Oh no,” you should think, “Ah, there it goes.”

Of course I’m not dealing with a broken glass, but I get the message. I haven’t accepted the way things are now, or the way I am now, but it’s good advice and I consider it another step on my journey.
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A lady that goes to our church recently had plastic surgery of some sort — I’m not sure what she had done, or why. But, as you might imagine, it generated a lot of talk and quickly divided people into two camps — those for it and those against it. 
I really have no opinion and never thought much about it other than hearing about various celebrities, that had “work done.” 

Anyhow, I became a little curious and decided to google how many people have some kind of plastic surgery every year. Well, google turned up about a million articles about plastic surgery, but one short page caught my eye. It talked a little bit about the history of the procedure.

Physical appearance was very important to the ancient Egyptians — they were one of the first civilizations to use makeup. If an Egyptian suffered an injury that no amount of makeup could conceal, reconstructive surgery was an option — provided that the person had a high enough social ranking. Records dating to 1600 B.C. detail procedures for treating a broken nose by packing the nasal cavity with foreign material and allowing it to heal — it seems like these were, essentially, primitive nose jobs. Then about 1,000 years later in India, a surgeon named Sushruta developed a relatively sophisticated form of plastic surgery for the nose that eventually spread across the Arab world and into Europe.

During the 15th century, Sicilian doctors pioneered a method of suturing and closing wounds that left minimal scarring and disfigurement, and by the 16th century, early methods of skin grafting were being created. It wasn’t until the 19th century that this growing medical field got its common name — “plastic surgery.” That name is attributed to the German surgeon Karl von Gräfe, a pioneer of reconstructive surgery.

Initially, those procedures were typically reserved for people who had suffered horrible damage to their face or body. So what brilliant person came up with the idea of plastic surgery for a purely cosmetic reason? The first silicone breast implants were developed in the 1960s by plastic surgeons Frank Gerow and Thomas Cronin. The first person to receive breast implants (not for medical reasons, such as after undergoing a mastectomy, but strictly to improve her appearance) was Timmie Jean Lindsey.

Just like everything else, plastic surgery develops new procedures and surgeries all the time. A procedure called JewelEye implants tiny platinum jewels in the eye to create a glint is supposedly becoming “popular.”
I guess the desire to improve one’s looks is about as old as the human race….  
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Claire always liked Peeps — those little marshmallow chicken looking things that were on display around Easter, and probably other times of the year especially near the checkouts in stores. I always insisted that she buy some whenever they were available. I always think of her when I see them.

Obviously I have too much time on my hands lately or maybe I watched  too much of the Olympics — I must have sports have sports on my brain.
But, anyhow, I discovered a cool sport — Peep Dueling. It involves placing two Peep marshmallow confections in the microwave oven, facing each other. Insert a toothpick into the front of each peep and turn on the microwave. That will cause Peeps to expand. The first Peep to deflate the other with its toothpick wins!
I guess as you get older it doesn’t take much to entertain you….
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Those of you that know me, and the few that read this blog, know that I had the utmost admiration of my dad. One of my biggest regrets is that I never told him how much I admired him. I really can’t think of any bad traits he had. If you had asked my mom, I’m sure she’d have said that he worked too much and work was too much a part of his life. That may be a true statement, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a “bad trait.” One of the things I most admired about him was his acts of kindness. I certainly don’t know everything he did, but I can make a pretty long list of people that he helped over the years.
But here’s the thing — those people never knew that the help they were getting came from my dad. I don’t think he ever told anyone that he did these things. He never told me — I found out through other people… and he certainly never told my mom. 

A lot of us do nice things for others, but we usually mention these acts of kindness to someone else. After all, when we share our acts of kindness or generosity with someone else, it makes us feel like we are thoughtful, good people. So why wouldn’t we tell someone how nice we are and how we, ourselves are deserving of kindness? 

I think any act of kindness is inherently good, but there’s something special about doing something kind or thoughtful and not mentioning it to anyone — ever. I’ve always heard that you should give for the sake of giving — not to receive something in return. That’s really what you’re doing, when you don’t mention your kindness to others.

I don’t think my dad ever regretted for a second that he kept his acts of kindness to himself. The world would be a much better place if everyone was like my dad.
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