What Would Jimmy Do?

Unfortunately this is becoming familiar territory for me, but surviving the loss of a friend can be a difficult process — my brother-in-law, but more importantly my friend, Joe passed away last evening. This morning I noticed a few things in my office that Joe had given me. Some things had a meaning, but others were things that I was never sure why I received them. 

It occurs to me that while these things remind me of Joe, they’re really just stuff. But stuff goes away. The fact is that the “stuff” Joe gave me, other than being meaningful to me, is in itself meaningless and ultimately worthless.

But Joe didn’t just leave stuff — that doesn’t represent Joe’s life. I think maybe the best way to describe it is that he left behind residue. While I was trying to think of a better word, I looked up the definition of residue. One definition said, “the part that is left after the main part has gone or been taken away.”
So the residue is what sticks or stays. Sometimes you see a glass where the liquid has evaporated away — it’s hard to remove that residue. It’s like it has become a part of the glass.

The residue of Joe’s life is the impact it had on others, even the change in the world brought about by his very existence. I think all of us that knew him were the glasses that Joe poured his life into. Now that he’s been taken away, his residue remains in our hearts and souls, and will endure in our memories. Joe left an intense and lasting residue with all of us.

I never liked the idea of mourning death — I think it’s much better to celebrate the life. So today, my thoughts are simple — Joe will be missed. We have all lost a dear friend. Go in peace Joe, you’ve earned your sleep. Until we meed again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
— 30 —

Last week I went to lunch with a couple of friends and at some point, the conversation turned to politics — not uncommon, although we try to limit that topic as much as possible. Anyhow, later that afternoon, I was thinking about the lunch and how I’d enjoyed it. But it occurred to me that while on the subject of politics, it seemed like the term “revenge” came up — a lot.

Well, that got me to thinking about revenge…..
There’s an old saying, “Don’t get mad, get even.” I’ve heard it attributed to Robert F. Kennedy when he was U. S. Attorney General  back in the 1960s. I don’t know if that’s true or not.
We’ve probably all wanted to “pay someone back” after an argument or hurtful comment, or wanted to “settle the score” after someone betrays our confidence or breaks our trust.
I think the truth is that in response to a real, or perceived, hurt or slight, most people want to retaliate. The desire for revenge is a common human trait — doesn’t matter about color, gender or race. 

So why do we want revenge? One reason is that it certainly makes us feel better. But, and this is going back a long ways, if I remember my psychology courses, the primary emotion or motivation to seek retribution is either anger or fear.
Most of us know that it’s petty-minded or mean-spirited to want revenge. But — we also know how satisfying evening the score would be. Actually, we’re kind of taught this all our lives…. Most of our parents told us not to retaliate, especially against our brothers or sisters. They usually said, something like, “Let Mom and Dad handle it.” But almost in the same breath, they’d tell us to stand up for ourselves — “Don’t let the big kids push you around. Teach them a lesson.” Talk about a mixed message…..

Apparently, forgiveness isn’t something that comes naturally to humans. We seem to have a natural desire for justice — we want to get even because that’s only fair. It restores the natural order of things.

If you listen to or watch the news, it’s apparent that revenge isn’t going away — it seems to be getting worse, or at least getting more publicity. I think it’s sad that revenge became a topic over lunch while discussing our country and government. 

I don’t know if there’s a revenge hall of fame, but there probably should be. Revenge can be truly cruel, hurtful and even dangerous, but a lot of it is just petty-stuff between “friends.” It kind of boils down to “getting the last laugh.” Not sure why, but while writing this, I was reminded of an inscription I saw on a gravestone once…. It read “I told you I was sick.” I’m not sure it was put there for revenge, but the person at least got the last laugh.
— 30 — 

May 6 — a very special day. The entry today is for Claire. It’s personal — read it if you want…..

Today would be our anniversary. I just wrote “would” be, but the truth is you’re still so present in my life it would be wrong to speak of you in past tense. You’re not “gone” — at least not in the way people think. Maybe physically — but you’re still in the air I breathe, the memories that never go away and the ache that just won’t leave. 

Our lives are forever intertwined — the inside jokes, the memories —so many of you. Of us.
Everywhere I look — there we are. You and I. So many hours of our lives spent woven together.
The laughs. The heartbreaks. The love. The tears. The adventures. Year after year. Our lives together.
And then — you were gone in an instant. But all we built together and shared can’t all just unravel like that.
I can’t just stop loving — I can’t split my life into “before and after.”
You are very much still here within me. I can never forget such an irreplaceable part of my life.
All that time — together.You’re the one in all of my best memories. My wins were your wins. Yours were mine. You are always in my mind and in the hugs I can still feel somehow….
Some days I may look frayed and tattered — because losing you wore me down…. so much. But I treasure and hold tightly what is still dear to me — our memories together.
You and I.
Me and you.

Happy anniversary, Menoi. You are loved beyond measure, missed beyond reason, and remembered always.
— 30 —

I had lunch with a couple of friends last week. As usual, there was about as much, or maybe more, talking than eating. We covered a lot of subjects, but the waiter mentioned something about “a baker’s dozen.” We all knew what that meant, but there was some disagreement as to how it came to be. 
So — here I am waiting for the washing machine to finish, and I figured it was time for some of my extensive research. I hadn’t done that in a long time and I didn’t want to lose my “skill” — or — as I like to call it, “my gift.”

The popular story as to the phrase’s origin is that a medieval law specified the weight of loaves of bread and any baker who shorted a customer was in for dire punishment. So, bakers would include a thirteenth loaf with each dozen just to be safe. The story is kind of true. There was such a law, but the practice of adding an extra loaf to the dozen had nothing to do with the fear of punishment.

The law the story is referring to was the Assize of Bread and Ale, first promulgated in England in 1266. There are various versions of the law, but they all related the weight and price of loaves of bread that were sold on the market. During years of good harvests, bakers could make more bread than they could sell locally, so they would sell the excess loaves to hucksters, or middlemen. But since the weight and price was strictly regulated, the only way for these distributors to make money would be to give them extra loaves. The baker would give the huckster a thirteenth, or vantage, loaf for each dozen. The extra loaf provided the profit for the middleman.
The practice of adding the thirteenth loaf is older than the phrase. The phrase apparently only dates to 1599.
— 30 —

Those of you who periodically check this blog, have noticed that there have been no entries for the past 3 or 4 months. I’m not even sure I know why, but here’s kind of the way things have gone….
I always wrote the blog for me — actually I rarely even read it, I just wrote it. I usually updated it in the morning, normally with my second cup of coffee…. in recent years I’ve been a slow starter in the mornings. I rushed around every morning for more than 50 years, getting ready for work, the kids off to school, etc. After retirement I enjoyed the leisurely pace in the mornings. 

So, many/most mornings, I just sat down at the computer and wrote whatever happened to pop into my head at the time. Occasionally, I wrote about special events like birthdays or weddings, but usually it was just my train of thought at the time. I found it relaxing and a number of people commented on it and said they enjoyed reading it — they probably were just being nice but it made me feel good.

Then a couple of years ago, my entire life changed. Obviously losing Claire was devastating, and something I’ll never recover from, but it was more than that — it seemed like the whole world, not just my world changed. And when I sat down to write something, it came out kind of “dark,” and maybe a little bit depressing. I realized that maybe it wasn’t the world, but just me — I knew I’d changed but I didn’t realize how much. I didn’t enjoy jotting down my thoughts anymore — I didn’t even like my thoughts anymore.

So I figured I’d done the blog long enough and decided to just end it. I knew I should have a “final” entry and end it properly, but I never got around to it. My intention remains to end it, but recently a number of people have encouraged me to continue. 

I don’t know what I’ll do — I’m going to give it some serious thought before deciding “What Would Jimmy Do.” Therefore…… this may be the end — or — maybe not.
— 30 —

….. Two Years …..

Anyone that knows me very well, is aware that it’s pretty hard to get into a very serious or “deep” subject with me for any extended period of time. However, the other day a friend — I wouldn’t call him a close friend, but I’ve known him a while — was in a serious mood. We talked about several things and one of the subjects that came up was the soul. He made several statements about “saving your soul.” Not that it matters, but I should mention that he’s pretty religious and we’re not friends from church — we both attend different churches here in Shepherdstown. 

Well, of course all this “soul searching” got me to thinking…. back in 2007, I had written a blog about souls. I decided that instead of writing about souls today, I’d do something that I usually don’t. I thought I’d just reprint my blog from 2007. Here it is……

One thing that annoys me is when people use the term “I feel” incorrectly. 
People say I feel there is too much commercialization of Christmas….
I feel I should do more to help the poor….
The fact is that one may think those things or believe those things, but they don’t ”feel” them. 
In my working days, that was one of the few corrections I always made to any document that came across my desk for review. It just always bugged me, I’m not sure why.

Anyhow, I got to thinking about “feelings” — what makes humans able to perceive or “feel” things? What makes us sentient?
I think the answer might be the soul. I’m not sure I even know exactly what the soul really is, but it seems important and appears to be one of the things, at least, that separates us from animals.
You think with your mind and I guess you feel with your heart, so the soul must be something different — maybe it’s just an area like an a big data bank. That’s where you keep your moral values and the data that helps you make the choices between good and evil.
When you die, the soul is the only thing left of you — it’s the part that gets into Heaven — or — I suppose the part that goes to Hell.
I guess if you become a bad person, maybe your soul gets damaged — or maybe your brain just gets damaged and miss-reads or miss-uses the data in your soul.

I’ve heard a lot of comments about the soul, but never seen a concise definition — or at least not one that satisfied me. One comment goes something like, “Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” I guess if that’s the case, the soul may not only be a big data bank, but also a secure one, like a vault.

I think I’m not alone in being a little confused about the soul….
The soul was given to us by God and it appears to be the center of our being.
Apparently, confession is good for the soul, and these are times that try men’s souls….
There are soul brothers and soul mates and there’s a soul train.
And you have to feed the soul, too — there’s soul food and chicken soup for the soul.
We all have a soul, and it appears we should take good care of it.
So be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
— 30 —

Today is a special day — not only is it exactly six months until Christmas, it’s also two of my kids birthdays. Both David and Chassie were born on the same day (one year apart.)
Happy Birthday – hope you both have a great day and an even better year ahead.
Love you both!!!!!
— 30 —

My neighbor just became a new grandfather and we were talking about how much fun grandkids are — I’ve ofter heard it said, that if we’d known how much fun grandkids were, we would have had them first.

Anyhow, I’m to sure why, but an old joke came to mind — I always thought it was funny…. and still do.
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” A little boy answered “Mary.”
The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” A little girl said, “Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?” The girl said,”Well, you know they’re always talking about Verge and Mary.”
— 30 —

Hey Menoi,
Here it is your birthday again — the second time I’ve had to celebrate it without you. Life hasn’t gotten any easier — I still miss you just as much every single day. I miss everything about you. As I was tossing around in bed last night, I got to thinking about all the things I miss about you and it occurred to me that one thing I miss is how others used to say your name. Most people don’t mention your name — I need to have you mentioned like you were before. I don’t know why that’s important to me, but it is — I wish people understood. 

But today’s your birthday and just know I’ll be celebrating — I have your favorite wine to share. I know what you think of my poetry, but I’ll try just one more time…. I know you’ll roll your eyes, but I know you’ll also smile — that’s enough for me. 
So here’s my feeble attempt….

Gee, I wish you were here today — for even just a little while
We could celebrate your birthday together and I could see your loving smile.
We shared a great life together — I thought it’d be forever, you see
I didn’t take it for granted and never thought I’d lose you and all you meant to me.

No gift for you, but great ones for me — memories of you left behind.
When I think of you, I remember the joy and happiness you left in my heart and mind.
I look at your pictures and think of you with love
And I know you’re doing fine in Heaven up above.

I’ll spend your birthday wishing that you were here
I wish you could join me in this toast to you and help me wipe away my every  tear.
I hope you’re having a party and the Angels are singing you a happy song
I’ll be thinking of you and sending my love — today, and all year long.

Happy Birthday — love you bunches forever.
— 30 —